Alone

It's a feeling unlike any other and it can come on so strong and so suddenly.

It can make you feel small, and insignificant.

It can make you do things for all the wrong reasons, say things that seem to come out of nowhere.

It will make you believe the things people tell you, even when you know deep down inside they're not true...

It will allow people to take you for granted...

And it will make you settle for so much less than you deserve....

All in the hopes that maybe some day someone will care enough, or love you enough, so that this feeling that hovers like a dark cloud will disappear forever.

Just what I needed

Sometimes I turn in on myself, hide from the world, and almost convince myself that I don't need anyone or anything, that I'm better off by myself... and that's when life shows me just how wrong I can be.

I need the people that I love, and that love me, to be close to me.  I don't know why I forget this sometimes. 

Tonight I was reminded just how true that is.  I was shown how feeling loved can actually heal my heart and make me feel whole again.

Tonight my heart overflows with gratitude: for someone's undivided attention, for someone's care and concern, for someone's love and compassion, for the knowledge that I am not alone in how I feel, for the relationships that heal my heart, for the beautiful people that surround me and for the connections that we share.

Tonight I got just what I needed, and I feel truly blessed and oh so grateful.

Getting the dreaded call

It came yesterday... the call you hope you will never get but know, deep down, that it is probably inevitable.

It was a call that really rocked my world, and not in a good way.

Although I'd imagined it hundreds of times, in the hopes that if it did happen I'd be prepared, it truly rattled my cage.  Some things you just can't prepare for.

And so today after all the excitement has died down, I can say that I learned some things from the experience...

I learned that I do have a very loving, united family that will rally together in times of need, and for that I am truly grateful.

I learned that I work with some pretty wonderful people who will support me when things all of a sudden go terribly wrong.

I also learned things about myself, some good and some not-so-good...

I learned where some of my character traits come from, and I learned that, as a family, we share some pretty strong character traits.  It's very uniting to feel connected in this way.

I learned that when the rug gets pulled out from under me I don't always react rationally; and that's when I truly need those around me to take control.

The best thing I learned, however, is how good it feels to be able to give thanks and feel from the depths of my soul what it's like to grateful.

Being heard

Isn't that what we all want, to be heard?

We want someone to actually listen when we tell them something.

And we need people to hear what we're not saying.

So if this is what we all need, shouldn't this be what we do for others?  Wouldn't that be the greatest gift we could give each other?

But how often do we give this gift?  And how freely do we give it?

Something to reflect upon on this beautiful (but cold) Sunday morning.

Taking life as it comes

Life is not always joy; nor is it always pain.

That's why it is important to take things as they come - the good, and the not so good.

Without the bad times, we would not be able to fully appreciate the good times.  That is not to say, though, that we need to suffer to know what real happiness is.

We learn from our hard times - we learn about who we are: our strengths and our weaknesses, our qualities and our faults.

Appreciating life tonight... with its good and its bad, its joy and its pain.

And tonight... that's saying a lot.

Gazing back, looking forward

As I sit here on New Year's eve and gaze back on 2011, I am not too surprised to see that it was much like any other year - it had its ups and downs, its highs and lows, and it passed much too quickly.  However, this year I think I can safely say that there was something a little different about it, too.  I've been trying to find the right words to explain it all week but have been spectacularly unsuccessful.  I guess it can be summed up simply by saying that it feels like I have grown and matured more in the past year than I have in the last two decades... or so it seems to me.

Quite unintentionally, I embarked on a spiritual journey about a year and a half ago, and the places it has taken me I could never have predicted: I've met a whole host of new and interesting people, people who've opened me up to many new experiences; I have tried a lot of different things like yoga, meditation, and guided visualization; I have done things that I would never have attempted before like starting - and maintaining - this blog; and I have read more books in the last twelve months than I ever have in one year before.  All this has changed me and helped me see more deeply into myself and the world around me.  I have gained a better appreciation for the people I love and have understood the importance of keeping them close.  It has been quite a ride and I am happy to say that it is just the beginning.

And so it is with some excitement that I look forward to 2012.  Since I do not like to make New Year's resolutions, as they only leave me feeling badly about myself when, inevitably, I cannot make them work, this year I've decided instead to create my Wish List for 2012.  It is a list of things I would like to do, or continue doing, things that either I've always wanted to do but never dared, or things that I think might be neat to try, or just continue what I've been doing that seems to be working well.  The whole idea is to avoid the pressure of resolutions but also to have something to look forward to.  It will no doubt take me a while to put it together, but once it's ready it should be a nice blueprint for the year ahead.  

I read something tonight that I've decided to use as one of my mantras for the New Year:

Replace judgement with empathy, 

upgrade complaining to gratitude 

and trade in fear for love.

To all:  May 2012 be a year of new beginnings, fresh starts, and success in all you do; may it be filled with health, happiness, and all good things; may love reign supreme in your hearts. ❥❥❥

With love, Brigitte