Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Hospital adventures... or how a cute doctor helps take the edge off

So I spent 5 hours in Emergency at the Lakeshore last night but I have to say, it all passed rather quickly. 

I'd brought along my newest read, a great book by Melody Beattie, because I knew the wait would be long and, between being engrossed in this book and everyone coming to check in on me every few minutes, I felt rather good.  I know it sounds funny, but I felt like I knew that everything would be alright.  I think the doctors & nurses paid extra attention to me because I was on my own, which was nice.  Whenever the doctor with the winning smile walked in, I'd look up from my book and, no matter what he was saying, I just had this deep sense that all was as it should be.

In the end, everything turned out to be ok, and all the precautionary measures helped ease the uneasiness I had been feeling all day, but really it was the staff at the Lakeshore that made me feel that everything was already alright.  I'm sure the book I was reading had something to do with it, too :)

Aaaahhh the power of staying calm...

Monday, May 21, 2012

So glad to be alive

Every year at this time it hits me... how glad I am to be alive.

On my walk this morning I was so struck by this thought.  It felt like a totally new thought, something that I'd suddenly discovered.  I was sort of tickled by this because I know for a fact that I get this feeling every spring.  But it's nice to feel like each time is the first time :)

This morning the birds were chirping, the breeze was blowing, the new leaves were being caressed oh so gently, and the blossoms in the trees were giving off such a sweet scent.   It really felt like I was in an ocean of goodness.

It seems to me that spring has never smelled so sweet nor has it sounded so lovely.  Or maybe I'm just noticing it more now than ever before.  In trying to be more mindful, I appreciate things that I only seemed to notice in passing before.  The frogs in our backyard, who only sing on coolish nights, the cardinal who seems to have taken up residence in my big maple tree out back, the smell the cedars give off all evening after they've been trimmed, the sheer number of birds that sing in the early morning and at dusk - a veritable concert - all these things never seemed to enter my consciousness before and, if they did, it was just in passing.  This year, however, all of this seems to be amplified.  I seem to be in constant communion with nature when I'm home and it feels so good, so right. 

Today they're calling for 27〫(81〫for those in Fahrenheit) and it looks like we might already be there.  Quite warm for spring, but I'll take it.  Feels like a good day for taking care of me... reading a book in the warm breeze blowing in from outside, sipping lemon water and listening to calm, relaxing music... yes, today I'm definitely glad to be alive ♡♥♡

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Just as it should be

How easy it is when things are going right to think that everything is just as it should be.

In times of difficulty, however, we tend to forget that everything happens for a reason and that, more often than not, things really do turn out for the best in the end.  Oh but when we're in it, it can be really hard to see... but not impossible.

It's called taking a step back and just watching - instead of obsessing, worrying, and stressing.  If you are able to take a step back, just for a moment and observe, you'll be amazed at how different the situation can look.  

Things may not always be as bad as they first seem.  Sometimes they're nothing like what you had first imagined them to be.  Just think of all the times you fretted about something and lived through a crisis that never actually happened.  It's so easy to do and it's a trap we fall into all too often.  But it doesn't have to be that way.

So try it, take a step back and see what happens... I bet you'll be amazed.

I was.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Learning to let go

Sometimes in life you have to know when to let go. 

And although it may not seem like it at the time, it's usually a blessing in disguise.  It's life telling you that a situation is not right and that something must be done about it. 

When life presents you with an opportunity and you don't take it, it usually looks for another way to try and convince you.  And each time you decline the offer it gets more and more insistent, until one day you have no choice but to accept.

So maybe it is time for me to learn to let go... but how?

I guess therein lies the opportunity.

Friday, May 11, 2012

The sound of a breaking heart

Do you know what sound a breaking heart makes?

I do.

It is unmistakable, a sound unlike any other, because it comes from the very depths of your soul.

It is a cry so powerful, so sorrowful, and so full of anguish, that you wonder how it can be coming from inside of you.

But it does.

It comes from a pain so raw, so deep, that it feels at times surreal and other times it feels all too real.

Do you know what sound a breaking heart makes?

I do.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The frogs are back!

Every year since we moved into the house, ten years ago, right around now the frogs start to sing when the sun goes down. 

And every year I wait for it. 

It's a magical sound, like a cross between the chirping of the birds and the sound crickets make, and everyone who hears it is entranced by it.  They come out on the cool nights of May (thank goodness for those cool nights!) and are gone by early June.  

Tonight as I sit here feeling so very grateful for all the beauty that spring lavishes on me, I'm listening to my frogs and letting all the wonderful memories their beautiful sound evokes wash over me.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Connections of the heart

Something that I found on my Facebook newsfeed today really spoke to me.

It said:

"You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won't mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever.... connections are made with the heart, not the tongue."

I sat and talked with someone very dear to me over the weekend, and in the moments where no words were shared, I could feel her with my heart.  It seems funny to me to read this today because I've always known it to be true.  Yes we've known each other forever, and yes we are very close, but I never feel closer to her than when we're sitting side by side just letting the love we have flow between us.  It is truly magical and I wouldn't trade it for the world.  I feel so grateful to have this with her; I hope she knows how very much it means to me.  

These connections of the heart are what give my life meaning and I am so blessed to have them.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Seeing the good in an accident

So I had a little accident on my way home today; actually, it was as I was just pulling out of the parking lot at work.  It was unclear who was at fault, if I side-swiped the guy or if he hit me.  What was clear as I pulled over to check the damage, all too clear, was that the housing for the driver's side flasher was dangling and I had no idea how I would drive home with it like that.  As soon as he saw my distress, the guy that I'd just had an accident with went over to his truck and rummaged around for what seemed like a very long time.  He came back with a drill, a few screws and proceeded to re-install the smashed housing.  He said it had taken him so long because he was looking for a light bulb for my flasher; he then apologized for not having one!

On my way home, still a bit shaken and not sure what had just happened, I had to laugh.  Leave it to me to get into an accident with a guy that had all the right equipment and actually knew how to take care of my most pressing problem! 

I guess this accident was meant to teach me a lesson.  I could have fretted all the way home, berated myself for not paying better attention to the road, or convinced myself that this situation was worse that it actually was, but instead I saw that it wasn't that bad, after all no one was injured, and I even got a good laugh out of it.  How nice would it be to take every negative situation this lightly?  Seeing the good in it sure helped make this incident a whole lot easier to take.

Maybe that's the answer... instead of automatically getting carried off by the bad in a situation, why not stop for a second and see if there might be another way to look at it.  Trying to see it in a better light - not necessarily seeing the good in it, but letting go of the bad a bit - might actually help us handle things better.  It made enough of a difference to me today that I fully intend to try this again... but hopefully I won't have to too soon :)

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

If she only knew

She sometimes marvels at how alike we are... if she only knew.

There's so much that goes on underneath, so much that I could say but don't, so much left unsaid.

Feeling vulnerable is not my strong suit; it's something I've actively avoided, all my life.  Yet sometimes I feel that, of all people. she's the one I could share my vulnerability with.  She understands; without my having to say a word, she understands.  She knows things, just like I know things.

As a little girl I could think of nothing better than to be just like her.  I watched her, intently, lovingly, and probably picked up a thing or two from her.  Yes, I know I did - and so does she.

But the ways in which we are most alike cannot be taught or learned, they can only be felt with the heart; and the more we try to point out and describe them, the more we miss the point.  

Being like her in any way is an honour.  She is a person of great strength and determination and, even when she forgets this, it is still visible to the rest of the world.  Her love for those close to her knows no bounds and it has nourished me for most of my life.  She is, and will continue to be, someone I look up to and admire.

Yes, we are alike in so very many ways, and things could be so much better... if she only knew.