We teach what we most need to learn

I truly believe that.

I didn't always believe that.  No, actually what I believed was quite the opposite.

Sounds a bit arrogant when I put it out there, but what I believed was that what I knew would truly benefit others, like I had some of the answers; not all of them, of course, but some.

However, it was in trying to help someone very dear to me heal that I discovered a need in myself, a part of me that needed healing.  It was quite eye opening because the more I tried to help her, the less I was able to, but the more I found I was actually helping myself.  The more I turned to work on myself though, the less I found I had to give to her.  This was quite dismaying because I felt like I was abandoning her. Yet something amazing started to take shape.  As I learned how to help myself I became stronger, more whole, and it was from that base that I was able to see more clearly.  I saw what I had been doing, as the Buddhists would say, unskillfully, and I saw that what I thought she needed was actually what I needed. 

Now I believe that we need to help ourselves first.  Then, with what we learn about ourselves, we are better able to help others... but only because we've been there and have done the work ourselves first. 

And so I've decided to take a new direction.  Enough immersing myself in others' pain, in their struggles.  It's time now for me to start listening to my own heart.  And listening to the cues I get from others... instead of thinking I have the answers.  I will let go of trying to find my happiness in others and look to myself for happiness.  It will no doubt be a long, slow uphill climb, but I'll be a better, happier person for it.  And I know it's the right direction to take.

Thank you Terri, for being my greatest inspiration in this journey I'm on, and for opening my eyes to the possibilities that actually lie within me.