Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Beautiful... inside and out

When I was a little girl I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the whole wide world.

I would tell her this and she would often reply, "beauty is only skin deep," as if to say don't be fooled by appearances.  But this confused me because her beauty was so evident that even as a child I knew her to be beautiful, inside and out.

Today people still comment on her beauty, and still she doesn't see it.  Oh sure, if she looks to the past she sees it; but not now, not in the present. 

Sometimes I think about everything she's been through and how the bravery that she doesn't recognize in herself shines through for everyone to see.

It's like that with her beauty, I guess; it's obvious to everyone but her:

her smile is so radiant it lights up a room;

her laugh makes you happy, 
even when happy is the furthest thing from your mind;

and her heart is so open to those she loves
that you can't help but feel loved in her presence.

However, I think it's more - much more than all this - that makes her truly beautiful.  Although clearly visible on the outside, her real beauty comes from somewhere deep inside; where she hides it from herself but cannot hide it from others.  My wish on this very special day is for her to finally realize what those of us who love her have known all along...

When I was a little girl I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the whole wide world.  Today I know she is... because she is beautiful inside and out.

Happy birthday my beautiful friend... love you always and forever ♥♥

Friday, December 23, 2011

Always in my heart

One hundred years ago today, a very special person was born.  Her name was Noëlla and she was the tenth in a family of twelve children.  Everyone who knew her loved her.  She was quiet and unassuming, but she was an incredibly strong woman.  Her accomplishments were many.  She was a very talented, avant-garde seamstress, she learned to swim at 65 and paint at 75.  She had very delicate hands, which I loved to watch when she worked. I admired and looked up to her, and learned so much from her.  She was an incredible cook, with baking being her specialty, and I learned everything I know from her.
Unfortunately words cannot even come close to describing how wonderful she was.  Suffice it to say she was a very special woman, one of the most special in my life, and I miss her more than words can say.

Bonne Fête Grandmaman  ♥♥♥

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Letting go

That seems to be the lesson life is trying to teach me these days.  How important - and imperative - it is to learn to let go.  Most times when I do let go and it's a good thing, it's because it happened by accident, or it was the by-product of something else I did.  Mostly, though, for me letting go is a painful process.

Intellectually I know what I must do...  so why is doing it so difficult?

Funny thing is, it's showing up all over the place, almost as if pushing me to finally learn the lesson, once and for all.

This is the nudge I got from life today:

You have great powers to change yourself.
You have little power to change others.
You struggle because you believe the opposite is true. 

I am learning that it is best to love others for who they are, and trust that what they are going through is necessary for their own personal growth - and not to stand in their way by trying to "fix" things for them.

There is something big that I really must let go of and, although it wouldn't be my choice to do so, I know it's necessary.  So before life decides to teach me a lesson I don't want to learn, I'll start by taking this lesson and making it mine.  I will let go... and see what happens.

Maybe... just maybe... all you can do is love with all you have inside of you.  And maybe that love will heal your wounds (T. St. Cloud)


Thursday, December 1, 2011

That little girl inside

She's there, I know she is, because she comes out every once in a while and makes her presence known.

It wasn't until recently that I became conscious of her.  She would peek out every now and then but I never really payed much attention before.  It started out as a feeling, a longing, that happened at particular times and would leave me feeling melancholic mostly.  Other times I would feel almost giddy with happiness.  These feelings would come on suddenly and quite powerfully, but I never really stopped to question what they were or where they were coming from.

The more I pay attention and the more familiar I become with her, the more I realize that it is in certain circumstances and with one person in particular that she shows herself the most.  And now that I think about it, this person that brings her out in me - my second Mom - always has.  She has always allowed me to be me and only now, when I can let that little girl inside roam free, do I realize what a gift that is.

I would venture to guess that most people do not dare give their inner child free rein; but it is such a liberating feeling that I would recommend it to anyone.  It's not that I do it much, or often, but when I do it's magical, and I am so very grateful to my second Mom for giving me this very special gift.

I love you, Mom2... and so does your little girl ❥❥❥