Disillusionment

A couple of months ago I wrote about how living in a dreamworld is dangerous.  You would think I'd learn.  You'd think that knowing this about myself, I'd be more careful, less trusting, less naive about people... well, think again.  I have a friend who is always worried that by wearing my heart on my sleeve so much I will inevitably get hurt.  And she's right.  I do get hurt.  But like I told her when we had this conversation, I like to think that it evens itself out.  Being the optimistic person that I am, I like to think that living with an open heart helps those around me, and that's what really matters. 

"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good, therefore, that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now.  Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."

This is one of my favourite quotes, one that I've tried to live by all my life and, for the most part if I live this way I am happy.  There are times, however, when I find I put too much faith in people, expect them to be as I envision them.  This is unfair, I know, but it comes with the territory when you live in a dreamworld.  And that's when hurt happens, for inevitably I see them for who they really are and it is not always as I had imagined.  This is when I struggle with my feelings, when I try not to let the disillusionment take over.  It's usually a sign that I need to take a step back and just concentrate on me for a while.  And that, too, is a good thing.  So, in the end then I guess I was right - it does even itself out.  Living open-heartedly means I do good, which usually makes me feel good but, when it doesn't, then I get to take care of myself.  So it's a win-win, right?

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