Feeling sort of Zen

Just read Terri's blog post and wow was it an eye opener!!  Her posts normally speak to me but this one really, really did.  She spoke of a trauma button, a sort of trigger that activates a past hurt and, without our even knowing what happened, we're left feeling like we were just run over by something big.

I remember feeling like that recently, several times actually in the past month, and each time it happened I was left feeling shaky and uncertain about the whole situation, yet I couldn't quite put my finger on what had happened to make me feel that way.  I'm thrilled at what this new revelation implies because now I can go back & revisit the situation and try to understand what the past hurt was and why this situation just keeps triggering it over and over again.

As Terri says at the end of her post, "i don't know why knowing what's going on changes everything.  i honestly don't get that.  but this morning, i feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders.  why???  nothing's changed..... or has it?  just knowing and understanding, makes it all so much better."  She ends it by saying that if she can become aware of it earlier on, maybe it will help.  I totally agree with that!

Today I'm feeling sort of meditative, like all I have to do is ask the question and the answer slowly appears before me.  It's a strange state to be in, and the only thing I can find to describe it is this picture.  It's not that I'm sitting and meditating, it's that I feel a calmness within that reminds me of this image.  And yet, on the outside I'm a bundle of nerves.  Go figure!

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