What will this day hold?

Today is a brand new day.

It is... it truly is.

Not because it follows yesterday does it mean it will be the same, or even close.

Today can be anything I want it to be. 

Yes, you heard me: today can be anything I want it to be.

By concentrating on what I want, rather than what I don't want, I can move towards making today what I want it to be.

So... the question is... what do I want today to be?

I would like today to be a day filled with wonder... a day in which I discover new things, have new experiences, meet new people maybe, or just simply feel new feelings... and feel the wonder of each of these things.

I would like to feel things deeply today, not withhold feeling - and showing - love, or hurt, but feeling them fully and then moving onto the next feeling. 

I would like today to be infused with the scent of forgiveness... of myself and of others... because only when I forgive will I be able to move on unburdened by thoughts, feelings, and events of the past.

I would like today to be an adventure, one I live fully and completely.

And really, shouldn't every day be approached as a new adventure, to be lived fully and completely?  Absolutely!

So with that thought, I am off to live my new adventure... will you join me?

A time to give thanks

This past week was American Thanksgiving and, although our Thanksgiving had already passed, stores in our area decided to adopt Black Friday.  Although financial gain was the obvious reason, it somehow surprised me.  I think it surprised me because, of all the things surrounding Thanksgiving that one culture could share in with another, why would it be the commercial aspect that prevailed?  I guess it is, sadly, just a sign of our times that we would choose the material over all else.  But does it really have to be this way?  I think not. 

Thanksgiving is all about, as the name says, giving thanks... for all that we've been given, for every good thing in our lives, for the people that surround us, for our health... and the list goes on and on.  So, instead of getting carried off by the commercial aspect of Thanksgiving, ours or some else's,  why don't we instead take a moment, just a moment, to realize how blessed we truly are... and give thanks for all of these blessings.  Doing this - particularly right now, as the Christmas season approaches - will open our hearts to the blessings that surround us and help us focus on what is truly important, so we do not get lost in the commercial aspect of the season. 

So on this beautiful Sunday morning, as I look around me at all the wonderful people and things that make up my life, I give thanks for it all and I know that I truly am blessed.

In my head

How often have you been told, "it's all in your head" ?

Frustrating, isn't it?

Yesterday after a particularly powerful Reiki session performed on me by a very dear friend, I was told that it was while she had had her hands over my head that she felt the most energy - crazy energy, with almost a franticness to it - and I immediately knew why. 

I have been told something along these same lines various times over the last few years by various holistic health practitioners and each time it surprised me and it didn't.  I know I can be very much in my head, thinking too much, over-analyzing stuff, trying to come up with an answer for everything; but I truly thought I'd been able to make the shift to listening more to my feelings and not being "in my head" quite so much.  Guess I'm not quite there yet. 

So what will it take to get out of my head and truly start living from my heart?

Well, for one, I need to trust my intuition more... listen to what my heart knows and not question it with my head.  I've always known that when I do this it ends up being exactly the right thing.  It's when I let the questions and fears in my mind get in the way that things go wrong.  My body and my heart know what it is I need to live, and live well, and my input is not required for that to happen. 

I have a friend who does this... she does not try to live her life, she lets life live her... and this is so beautiful to watch.  I know I have much to learn from her, and I am realizing just how fortunate I am to have had her put in my path at this very time in my life.  It is by watching her that I have discovered some very great truths, and I know that the more I watch, listen and learn, the more I will be able to stop living in my head and start truly living.  And for this I will be forever grateful to her ♥♥♥

Believe

How often do we stop to think about all the little (and big) things in our lives that happen for no apparent reason?  Those things we just can't explain that we put down to "coincidence"...

Well, I don't believe in coincidences.  I believe that in one way or another we bring on everything that goes on in our lives.  Now I'm not saying that when something bad happens we're the ones that made it happen.  What I mean is that we have far more control over what happens to us, and the direction our life takes, than we give ourselves credit for. 

A lot of it has to do with our thinking.  Ever heard of the power of positive thinking?  Or the expression thoughts become things?  Although these are commonly bandied about, how often do we actually stop to think about what they might actually mean?  Probably not often enough.

What if we had the power to make our every dream come true?  What if we had the power to heal ourselves?  What if we had the power to be all that we wanted to be?  Then what?  What would we do with that?  Would we do anything or just turn the other way and pretend we didn't know?

I think we are powerful beyond measure... and that can sometimes be a frightening thought.  And maybe because it is so frightening we choose not to look too closely at it or think too deeply about it.  However I know that if we did, if we allowed ourselves to believe in our own power, a lot would change.  I've seen it, I've felt it, and now I try to live it... every day.  Some days, of course, it's easier to believe in my own power than others; but ultimately, even on the difficult days, it's worth the effort. 

So what if, just for today, you thought about one thing you would like to see happen, and believed that it could actually happen?  Try it... see what happens... you may become a believer... just like me.

A being of light

As I watch her feel her way through this journey that is uniquely hers, I stand in awe.

This being - from whom light radiates, shining bright for all those who have lost theirs somewhere along the way - is a true blessing. 

Learning with each new experience, she lets the knowledge fill her to overflowing, spilling out so that others can learn as well.

Her courage carries her, always to new heights, and her humility keeps her grounded, no matter how high she climbs.

Slowly she dances towards her Knowing, and as she does she takes us along with her, teaching us with every step... about life, about love, about kindness and generosity... and we become better people, just by following along with her.

Peace

Some people long for peace.  They see it as some distant objective, possibly attainable through much hard work and effort, but not really probable.

Some people strive for peace.  They are the ones who do the hard work, diligently, believing that peace is indeed within their grasp.

Then there are those who radiate peace.  These people have a calmness about them, a beauty that shines from within; the warmth of their smile draws you in and near them is where you want to stay.  The goodness in their soul is obvious and, if you listen closely, you can almost hear it calling you to come sit by it and find peace for yourself.

Those of us who are fortunate enough to have encountered a person such as this would do well to follow them closely, as it is from them that we will learn what peace truly is and then, heeding the call of their soul, be able to find some peace for ourselves.

The healing power of friendship

When two people are friends, real friends connecting with their hearts, healing comes naturally.  

There is an amazing energy that swirls around them and surrounds them so that healing can happen spontaneously.  

It is not something that needs to be made to happen, it just does.  

And it does not subtract from either person; it adds to them and grows them, making them stronger and better able to deal with what must be faced.  

Those of us who are wise enough to allow these friendships into our lives will reap the benefits immensely and we will never be the same again.  

It is up to us to see the gift that these relationships carry with them, and to fully embrace their presence in our lives.  

For it is through loving friends that we can truly see ourselves and what needs to be done, and then have the strength and energy to do it.  

With immense gratitude for the wonderful friends who surround me  ♥♥♥

Honouring something big

Every once in a long while, something big happens that just blows me away.

It's just so huge that it actually pulls me along on its current, carrying me down its stream into places yet unknown; and all I can do is let myself be transported away.

Those times, although few and far between, stand out in my mind because of the power they exert over me at the time, and because of who I become once they're done.

And they usually originate in something somebody says or does.  In those times it feels like I am suddenly a part of something a lot bigger than me; a lot bigger.

Those are the times that restore my faith, that fill me to the brim with love and thanksgiving.

I find myself in the middle of one of those times right at this very moment.

And I am in awe.

It can be a frightening place, if I let it be, as the direction I'm headed in is totally unknown; yet a part of me longs to follow it, to just let it run its course and carry me away.

So I wait, and watch.  I watch myself as if from a distance - I watch my feelings, my actions and reactions - and I watch as the beauty unfolds all around me.

To those who bring me to those wondrous places I say thank you.

Indeed, thank you for your trust, thank you for your open heart, and thank you for allowing me to be part of your journey.  It is an honour and a privilege and I will be forever grateful for the trust you have placed in me.  ♥♥♥

A balm for the soul

On what was quickly turning into a sad & lonely evening,
instead of staying in and feeling sorry for myself
I decided to grab my camera and head outside.


What I found out there took my breath away:

a lovely chorus of crickets;

the warm glow of an orange sunset;

the peppery scent of marigolds;

a kind word from a stranger;

the rich smell of damp earth;

and hearts drawn on the sidewalk.


Once again I found my way back onto the path and felt renewed.

Listening to myself

I think it's time I start listening to myself.

I mean really listening.

It's time I start listening to what my heart is telling me, instead of letting my fear take over.

It's all about trust, isn't it?  Trust that my heart knows what's best.  Trust that I am enough.

But what if listening to myself takes me away from what's comfortable?  What then?

What if it takes me away from the people, places, and things that I know to places unknown?  What do I do then?

Well, maybe it's time to take the plunge and find out.

Maybe it's like the quote from Rumi says:

"I have been a seeker and still am, but I stopped asking the books and the stars.  I started listening to the teaching of my Soul."

Still feeling my way around this... but it's starting to feel right.

The gift

Recently, someone I love dearly gave me a very special gift.

Although it took me a bit to realize that it was a gift, now I see that it truly was and I am so very grateful to her for it.

You see, when the situation first presented itself, it felt like my heart would break, like my world would never be the same - or whole - ever again.  But as I sat with what I was feeling, and with great difficulty tried to accept it for what it was, I began to see things in a very different light.  I began to see myself in a different light, as if seeing myself for the very first time.  Some of the things that came up were not easy to deal with, and some of those things will require a lot more work; but having to go through this allowed me to see how much inner strength I actually have, and how resilient my spirit can be.

When I found out why she'd done it - to protect me - and how difficult it had been for her to do, that's when I realized what a truly special gift she had given me.  I felt so very loved; my heart - and my world - once again became whole.

The more I live this life, really live it, in the present, I realize how truly blessed I am and wish everyone could feel this good.

Wishing you all a very happy Sunday ❤

On my morning walk

The sun on my face...

               The breeze in my hair....

                                The birds chirping away...
And this:

 

 

  

Tell me... how can I not feel blessed?

Hospital adventures... or how a cute doctor helps take the edge off

So I spent 5 hours in Emergency at the Lakeshore last night but I have to say, it all passed rather quickly. 

I'd brought along my newest read, a great book by Melody Beattie, because I knew the wait would be long and, between being engrossed in this book and everyone coming to check in on me every few minutes, I felt rather good.  I know it sounds funny, but I felt like I knew that everything would be alright.  I think the doctors & nurses paid extra attention to me because I was on my own, which was nice.  Whenever the doctor with the winning smile walked in, I'd look up from my book and, no matter what he was saying, I just had this deep sense that all was as it should be.

In the end, everything turned out to be ok, and all the precautionary measures helped ease the uneasiness I had been feeling all day, but really it was the staff at the Lakeshore that made me feel that everything was already alright.  I'm sure the book I was reading had something to do with it, too :)

Aaaahhh the power of staying calm...

So glad to be alive

Every year at this time it hits me... how glad I am to be alive.

On my walk this morning I was so struck by this thought.  It felt like a totally new thought, something that I'd suddenly discovered.  I was sort of tickled by this because I know for a fact that I get this feeling every spring.  But it's nice to feel like each time is the first time :)

This morning the birds were chirping, the breeze was blowing, the new leaves were being caressed oh so gently, and the blossoms in the trees were giving off such a sweet scent.   It really felt like I was in an ocean of goodness.

It seems to me that spring has never smelled so sweet nor has it sounded so lovely.  Or maybe I'm just noticing it more now than ever before.  In trying to be more mindful, I appreciate things that I only seemed to notice in passing before.  The frogs in our backyard, who only sing on coolish nights, the cardinal who seems to have taken up residence in my big maple tree out back, the smell the cedars give off all evening after they've been trimmed, the sheer number of birds that sing in the early morning and at dusk - a veritable concert - all these things never seemed to enter my consciousness before and, if they did, it was just in passing.  This year, however, all of this seems to be amplified.  I seem to be in constant communion with nature when I'm home and it feels so good, so right. 

Today they're calling for 27〫(81〫for those in Fahrenheit) and it looks like we might already be there.  Quite warm for spring, but I'll take it.  Feels like a good day for taking care of me... reading a book in the warm breeze blowing in from outside, sipping lemon water and listening to calm, relaxing music... yes, today I'm definitely glad to be alive ♡♥♡

Just as it should be

How easy it is when things are going right to think that everything is just as it should be.

In times of difficulty, however, we tend to forget that everything happens for a reason and that, more often than not, things really do turn out for the best in the end.  Oh but when we're in it, it can be really hard to see... but not impossible.

It's called taking a step back and just watching - instead of obsessing, worrying, and stressing.  If you are able to take a step back, just for a moment and observe, you'll be amazed at how different the situation can look.  

Things may not always be as bad as they first seem.  Sometimes they're nothing like what you had first imagined them to be.  Just think of all the times you fretted about something and lived through a crisis that never actually happened.  It's so easy to do and it's a trap we fall into all too often.  But it doesn't have to be that way.

So try it, take a step back and see what happens... I bet you'll be amazed.

I was.

Learning to let go

Sometimes in life you have to know when to let go. 

And although it may not seem like it at the time, it's usually a blessing in disguise.  It's life telling you that a situation is not right and that something must be done about it. 

When life presents you with an opportunity and you don't take it, it usually looks for another way to try and convince you.  And each time you decline the offer it gets more and more insistent, until one day you have no choice but to accept.

So maybe it is time for me to learn to let go... but how?

I guess therein lies the opportunity.

The sound of a breaking heart

Do you know what sound a breaking heart makes?

I do.

It is unmistakable, a sound unlike any other, because it comes from the very depths of your soul.

It is a cry so powerful, so sorrowful, and so full of anguish, that you wonder how it can be coming from inside of you.

But it does.

It comes from a pain so raw, so deep, that it feels at times surreal and other times it feels all too real.

Do you know what sound a breaking heart makes?

I do.

The frogs are back!

Every year since we moved into the house, ten years ago, right around now the frogs start to sing when the sun goes down. 

And every year I wait for it. 

It's a magical sound, like a cross between the chirping of the birds and the sound crickets make, and everyone who hears it is entranced by it.  They come out on the cool nights of May (thank goodness for those cool nights!) and are gone by early June.  

Tonight as I sit here feeling so very grateful for all the beauty that spring lavishes on me, I'm listening to my frogs and letting all the wonderful memories their beautiful sound evokes wash over me.

Connections of the heart

Something that I found on my Facebook newsfeed today really spoke to me.

It said:

"You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won't mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever.... connections are made with the heart, not the tongue."

I sat and talked with someone very dear to me over the weekend, and in the moments where no words were shared, I could feel her with my heart.  It seems funny to me to read this today because I've always known it to be true.  Yes we've known each other forever, and yes we are very close, but I never feel closer to her than when we're sitting side by side just letting the love we have flow between us.  It is truly magical and I wouldn't trade it for the world.  I feel so grateful to have this with her; I hope she knows how very much it means to me.  

These connections of the heart are what give my life meaning and I am so blessed to have them.

Seeing the good in an accident

So I had a little accident on my way home today; actually, it was as I was just pulling out of the parking lot at work.  It was unclear who was at fault, if I side-swiped the guy or if he hit me.  What was clear as I pulled over to check the damage, all too clear, was that the housing for the driver's side flasher was dangling and I had no idea how I would drive home with it like that.  As soon as he saw my distress, the guy that I'd just had an accident with went over to his truck and rummaged around for what seemed like a very long time.  He came back with a drill, a few screws and proceeded to re-install the smashed housing.  He said it had taken him so long because he was looking for a light bulb for my flasher; he then apologized for not having one!

On my way home, still a bit shaken and not sure what had just happened, I had to laugh.  Leave it to me to get into an accident with a guy that had all the right equipment and actually knew how to take care of my most pressing problem! 

I guess this accident was meant to teach me a lesson.  I could have fretted all the way home, berated myself for not paying better attention to the road, or convinced myself that this situation was worse that it actually was, but instead I saw that it wasn't that bad, after all no one was injured, and I even got a good laugh out of it.  How nice would it be to take every negative situation this lightly?  Seeing the good in it sure helped make this incident a whole lot easier to take.

Maybe that's the answer... instead of automatically getting carried off by the bad in a situation, why not stop for a second and see if there might be another way to look at it.  Trying to see it in a better light - not necessarily seeing the good in it, but letting go of the bad a bit - might actually help us handle things better.  It made enough of a difference to me today that I fully intend to try this again... but hopefully I won't have to too soon :)

If she only knew

She sometimes marvels at how alike we are... if she only knew.

There's so much that goes on underneath, so much that I could say but don't, so much left unsaid.

Feeling vulnerable is not my strong suit; it's something I've actively avoided, all my life.  Yet sometimes I feel that, of all people. she's the one I could share my vulnerability with.  She understands; without my having to say a word, she understands.  She knows things, just like I know things.

As a little girl I could think of nothing better than to be just like her.  I watched her, intently, lovingly, and probably picked up a thing or two from her.  Yes, I know I did - and so does she.

But the ways in which we are most alike cannot be taught or learned, they can only be felt with the heart; and the more we try to point out and describe them, the more we miss the point.  

Being like her in any way is an honour.  She is a person of great strength and determination and, even when she forgets this, it is still visible to the rest of the world.  Her love for those close to her knows no bounds and it has nourished me for most of my life.  She is, and will continue to be, someone I look up to and admire.

Yes, we are alike in so very many ways, and things could be so much better... if she only knew.

Allow people to change

We can become so focused on how we know a person to be, their good points and their faults that, after a while, that is all we see. 

The danger of this is that we miss the little, almost imperceptible ways in which a person is growing and changing all the time.  If we're not careful, we may even miss the fact that they are changing in the ways we wish they would. 

We experience life through our own unique lenses, and when these lenses become too focused on someone or something, we stop allowing them to be different than how we think they are. 

Look for and celebrate the many big and small ways in which those who surround you are changing & growing all the time.  Not only will it encourage them, to be noticed for who they truly are, you will experience the joy of seeing those you love becoming stronger more beautiful people.  And what could be better than that?

Self-worth

Have you ever believed something was true, even though deep down you knew it wasn't?

Did you ever strain to see something that time and time again you were shown wasn't there?

Have you ever begged in ever so subtle ways even though you knew it didn't change a thing?

Did you ever hope against hope that things would turn out the way you wanted, only to have your hopes dashed yet again?

It all boils down to two little words; words that have the power to make or break you.

Falling down blue

"now you're gone away... oh but your memory stays... i hear your voice behind every single door... in this house of dreams, that you walk like a ghost unseen... oh on the day you left, out walked my everything"

Some days reality hits like a ton of bricks.

Get lost in the regrets... in the could have, would have, should have.

Never sure if it's reality or if I'm making all this up.

"alright, i miss you tonight... i admit that i'm falling down blue"

Some days, some nights, just aren't meant for Blue Rodeo.

The wisdom of age

Yesterday I had the privilege of spending the evening with two delightful old women.  When I say "old" it is because Marguerite was 91 and Gertrude, whose birthday we were celebrating, had just turned 100.  Old, however, did not describe anything but their age.

The phrase, "90 is the new 70," which is used to describe the changing reality of age, aptly describes these two women.  To look at them you'd never guess one was in her nineties and the other had just turned one hundred.  It was in speaking with them, however, that I realized that using the term "old" to describe them would be doing them a great disservice.

We had spent the afternoon at a celebration honouring Gertrude's milestone birthday.  There were many fitting tributes, speaking of her accomplishments and telling of her great service to the community.

That evening at dinner I was fortunate enough to sit next to Gertrude and have a long conversation just with her.  She was unafraid to speak of her loneliness, but she did so in the context of what it is like to grow old and not to elicit pity.  She spoke of how her perspective on life has changed, and how she realizes the importance of taking things more philosophically and less to heart.  She said she did have regrets, but she also understood that everything she had been through had contributed in making her who she is today, and she was grateful for all of it. 

Life is an incredible journey and, it seems, with each new phase we go through we are eager to get to the next... that is, until we are at what is commonly known as the last.  At that point what is called for is reflection into what each phase has meant, what we have learned and, really, just taking stock of it all as a whole.

Wouldn't it be more beneficial, though, to do this at each phase, instead of waiting until the very end to "put it all together?"  I think we would gain so much more from each phase if we were able to look back on the previous phase and, learning from its lessons, move on with that wisdom, to then begin learning from the next phase.  Our journey would be so much more meaningful if we stopped to reflect on where we are from time to time, appreciating how far we've come and how much knowledge we have gathered, instead of just pressing on as we usually do. 

It was quite amazing to speak to someone who has lived through a whole century.  It was easy to see what is meant by the the wisdom of age and it gave me a whole new perspective on how I should look at the next phase of my life.

The power of a word

A word, when used repeatedly, can be very powerful.  I'm not talking about a written word, or even a spoken word.  I'm talking about a word that keeps showing up at the oddest times and in the strangest places.

Earlier this year, as I read the weekly wrap-up on Roots of She, I was struck by something Liz Lamoreux said in her post Heal Your Heart  In it she explains how at the end of each year she chooses a word for the following year to "be a companion that brings me back to center amidst whatever beauty and uncertainty await."  But what really struck me was when she said, "I love how choosing a word invites me to let go of having resolutions I might or might not keep, and instead gently pushes me to look forward with self-kindness and think about how I most want the next year to unfold."

Having already decided that I would not make any resolutions this year but rather that I would do a 2012 Wish List, this really resonated with me.  And I did have a word last year.  However, I did not pick that word for myself... it picked me.  It kept showing up all the time, in different places and situations and, in the end, it sort of characterized my year.  My word last year was paradox.

This year I'm sort of tempted to pick a word.  Yet I find it's more revealing when the word picks me.  Already there is one that has been circling, almost as if enticing me to follow it.  I will have to wait a bit, however, to see if it is the right word for my year.

For now, though, I feel like I need to keep the word compassion close by.  I don't know exactly why, it just feels like something I need to do.  Whether it's me or others I need to be more compassionate with is yet to be seen.  For now I will try to make compassion my daily mantra.

The connections that sustain us

We are all connected.  This I know is true.

Yet there are some connections that help us grow, they sustain us through the hard times, and encourage us when we're unsure of ourselves or the path that we're on.

These connections may be well known to us - family, close friends - or they may be people we meet by chance, authors of books we pick up for no particular reason, or people we've never met but who are ever present in our lives.

Whatever the connection may be, it is important to honour it and cherish it, for these are the connections that help us become who we are meant to be.  We cannot do it all on our own.  We need those who surround us to show us the way and gently guide us along that way. 

Feeling ever so grateful for my own connections, and keeping those I love close in my heart today.

Oh-so-welcome Spring

It's been a long, difficult winter.

Well, maybe not weather-wise - I think we've just had one of the mildest winters on record - but for me personally.  Had it not been for my wonderful family and the love & care of dear friends, I'm sure things would have been a lot worse. 

Today is the first day of Spring, and as I put on my runners and headed out the door for my first walk of this new season, I could feel that change was in the air.  I've been saying it for what seems like forever, but now it's true, really, really true... it's time for me (yikes!) 

It's been said that I have a big heart (by Terri, mostly) and that big ol heart of mine finds it really difficult to turn away from people I care about, even for a moment, to concentrate on myself.  However, now I think it might just be inevitable.  I know I've said this before, but now it really feels like I'm running on empty, and that can't be good for those around me.  So maybe it is time to make me my priority. 

So as the warm air of the day dissipated, and the evening ushered in cooler, fresher air, I made up my mind that, at least for the next little while, I am going to be the most important person in my life.  I will start by living whole-heartedly, doing whatever my heart tells me to (that's usually what works best for me) and I will embrace all the goodness that comes my way (without questioning it!)  I will be more aware of the beauty in the sunrise and sunset, listen to the sweetness of the birds as they call to one another, and not take any love that comes my way for granted.  I will look for the goodness in each and every person I meet and be grateful for everyone that crosses my path, for everyone has something to teach me. 

So, I'm off!  Wish me luck!!  And if you don't see me for a while, know that it's for a good reason :D

We are so alike, you and I

But it is in our weaknesses that we most resemble each other.

This is strange to me because we come from different backgrounds, different eras, and have had different upbringings.

Yet we are so alike.

Is this so that I can see my weaknesses reflected back to me in you and you can see yours in me?

Or is it because in this way we connect and can help each other overcome our weaknesses?

I don't know.

All I know is that we are so alike, you and I, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

They're back!!!

A sure sign of Spring... the Canada Geese are back!! 

I saw and heard them high in the sky above me this morning. 

What a beautiful sight, and what music to the ears. 

All of a sudden my heart felt lighter than it has in ages, and I knew it would be a good day :)


Wishing you all a wonderful start to Spring!

We teach what we most need to learn

I truly believe that.

I didn't always believe that.  No, actually what I believed was quite the opposite.

Sounds a bit arrogant when I put it out there, but what I believed was that what I knew would truly benefit others, like I had some of the answers; not all of them, of course, but some.

However, it was in trying to help someone very dear to me heal that I discovered a need in myself, a part of me that needed healing.  It was quite eye opening because the more I tried to help her, the less I was able to, but the more I found I was actually helping myself.  The more I turned to work on myself though, the less I found I had to give to her.  This was quite dismaying because I felt like I was abandoning her. Yet something amazing started to take shape.  As I learned how to help myself I became stronger, more whole, and it was from that base that I was able to see more clearly.  I saw what I had been doing, as the Buddhists would say, unskillfully, and I saw that what I thought she needed was actually what I needed. 

Now I believe that we need to help ourselves first.  Then, with what we learn about ourselves, we are better able to help others... but only because we've been there and have done the work ourselves first. 

And so I've decided to take a new direction.  Enough immersing myself in others' pain, in their struggles.  It's time now for me to start listening to my own heart.  And listening to the cues I get from others... instead of thinking I have the answers.  I will let go of trying to find my happiness in others and look to myself for happiness.  It will no doubt be a long, slow uphill climb, but I'll be a better, happier person for it.  And I know it's the right direction to take.

Thank you Terri, for being my greatest inspiration in this journey I'm on, and for opening my eyes to the possibilities that actually lie within me. 

I offer my heart

Because I know not what to say nor how to say it, I offer my heart.

Because it is a burden no one person should have to carry alone, I offer my heart.

Because there are no words to express the sorrow I feel, I offer my heart.

Because I know that love can bridge any distance, I offer my heart.

Because I care and wish it to be felt, I offer my heart.

To Kelly & Jerry, tonight I offer my heart.

Love & loss

To love is to risk loss.  It's a fact of life, and it's inevitable.

Yet how important it is to love, and to love with all your heart.

It is what puts the spark in life, what makes it worth living.  Even knowing that one day the love you feel for a parent, a spouse, a dear friend or a cherished pet may cause you great pain, it is still worth every second. 

To feel your heart overflow with love when looking into the eyes of a beautiful friend, hearing the laughter of your mom, or being held in the arms of your spouse, that is what life is all about. 

So let us love the ones we're with, love them with all our hearts; and let us be grateful for the ones we've loved and lost, for they will remain in our hearts forever.

Insecurities

So I'm thinking about insecurities today and how they can stop us from doing things, or make us second-guess ourselves, make us do things that we know we shouldn't be doing, or not do things we should.

They can be so powerful, so overwhelming that our thoughts and feelings can turn on a dime and, without even realizing it, we go from a positive mood to a negative mood.

We can be so sure about something one minute, then so unsure the next.

And when this happens to me I am so fortunate to have wonderful, loving people around who come in and save me from myself.  With their loving, caring words they show me the flaws in my thinking and help lift me up.  There's nothing like knowing you're loved and supported to help you grow and become a better, more self-confident person.

Feeling very grateful for the wonderful people that surround me and sending them all my love ♥♥♥

Alone

It's a feeling unlike any other and it can come on so strong and so suddenly.

It can make you feel small, and insignificant.

It can make you do things for all the wrong reasons, say things that seem to come out of nowhere.

It will make you believe the things people tell you, even when you know deep down inside they're not true...

It will allow people to take you for granted...

And it will make you settle for so much less than you deserve....

All in the hopes that maybe some day someone will care enough, or love you enough, so that this feeling that hovers like a dark cloud will disappear forever.

Just what I needed

Sometimes I turn in on myself, hide from the world, and almost convince myself that I don't need anyone or anything, that I'm better off by myself... and that's when life shows me just how wrong I can be.

I need the people that I love, and that love me, to be close to me.  I don't know why I forget this sometimes. 

Tonight I was reminded just how true that is.  I was shown how feeling loved can actually heal my heart and make me feel whole again.

Tonight my heart overflows with gratitude: for someone's undivided attention, for someone's care and concern, for someone's love and compassion, for the knowledge that I am not alone in how I feel, for the relationships that heal my heart, for the beautiful people that surround me and for the connections that we share.

Tonight I got just what I needed, and I feel truly blessed and oh so grateful.

Getting the dreaded call

It came yesterday... the call you hope you will never get but know, deep down, that it is probably inevitable.

It was a call that really rocked my world, and not in a good way.

Although I'd imagined it hundreds of times, in the hopes that if it did happen I'd be prepared, it truly rattled my cage.  Some things you just can't prepare for.

And so today after all the excitement has died down, I can say that I learned some things from the experience...

I learned that I do have a very loving, united family that will rally together in times of need, and for that I am truly grateful.

I learned that I work with some pretty wonderful people who will support me when things all of a sudden go terribly wrong.

I also learned things about myself, some good and some not-so-good...

I learned where some of my character traits come from, and I learned that, as a family, we share some pretty strong character traits.  It's very uniting to feel connected in this way.

I learned that when the rug gets pulled out from under me I don't always react rationally; and that's when I truly need those around me to take control.

The best thing I learned, however, is how good it feels to be able to give thanks and feel from the depths of my soul what it's like to grateful.

Being heard

Isn't that what we all want, to be heard?

We want someone to actually listen when we tell them something.

And we need people to hear what we're not saying.

So if this is what we all need, shouldn't this be what we do for others?  Wouldn't that be the greatest gift we could give each other?

But how often do we give this gift?  And how freely do we give it?

Something to reflect upon on this beautiful (but cold) Sunday morning.

Taking life as it comes

Life is not always joy; nor is it always pain.

That's why it is important to take things as they come - the good, and the not so good.

Without the bad times, we would not be able to fully appreciate the good times.  That is not to say, though, that we need to suffer to know what real happiness is.

We learn from our hard times - we learn about who we are: our strengths and our weaknesses, our qualities and our faults.

Appreciating life tonight... with its good and its bad, its joy and its pain.

And tonight... that's saying a lot.

Gazing back, looking forward

As I sit here on New Year's eve and gaze back on 2011, I am not too surprised to see that it was much like any other year - it had its ups and downs, its highs and lows, and it passed much too quickly.  However, this year I think I can safely say that there was something a little different about it, too.  I've been trying to find the right words to explain it all week but have been spectacularly unsuccessful.  I guess it can be summed up simply by saying that it feels like I have grown and matured more in the past year than I have in the last two decades... or so it seems to me.

Quite unintentionally, I embarked on a spiritual journey about a year and a half ago, and the places it has taken me I could never have predicted: I've met a whole host of new and interesting people, people who've opened me up to many new experiences; I have tried a lot of different things like yoga, meditation, and guided visualization; I have done things that I would never have attempted before like starting - and maintaining - this blog; and I have read more books in the last twelve months than I ever have in one year before.  All this has changed me and helped me see more deeply into myself and the world around me.  I have gained a better appreciation for the people I love and have understood the importance of keeping them close.  It has been quite a ride and I am happy to say that it is just the beginning.

And so it is with some excitement that I look forward to 2012.  Since I do not like to make New Year's resolutions, as they only leave me feeling badly about myself when, inevitably, I cannot make them work, this year I've decided instead to create my Wish List for 2012.  It is a list of things I would like to do, or continue doing, things that either I've always wanted to do but never dared, or things that I think might be neat to try, or just continue what I've been doing that seems to be working well.  The whole idea is to avoid the pressure of resolutions but also to have something to look forward to.  It will no doubt take me a while to put it together, but once it's ready it should be a nice blueprint for the year ahead.  

I read something tonight that I've decided to use as one of my mantras for the New Year:

Replace judgement with empathy, 

upgrade complaining to gratitude 

and trade in fear for love.

To all:  May 2012 be a year of new beginnings, fresh starts, and success in all you do; may it be filled with health, happiness, and all good things; may love reign supreme in your hearts. ❥❥❥

With love, Brigitte